Readjusting

So, yesterday, after reading my blog, my dear M informs me that it was a bit of rambling, wasn't it? And re-reading it, yes, completely unfocused and garbled and morose, really. But I'm glad I got it all out. Now I can sit down and readjust.

I spent yesterday afternoon reading and cleaning out my computer ... going through old documents, .jpegs, etc and wondering: do I really need this anymore? I come from a long line of pack-rats, and although I can be grateful that I don't have a garage with 40+ or even 10+ years of backlog; my computer does take on a lot of damage in terms of using it hide and tunnel old thought patterns. But sometimes I find good things too. Like Goal setting documents that I wrote one day and disappeared into my hard-drive, folder within folder. Like one of those russian dolls that has a smaller doll on the inside.

I also found old journal entries, spiritual experiences, dreams. I have always had journals, but I have never been any good at keeping them. This blog had tried to come into existence for 3 years before I finally started to actually post with any regularity or any vim.

Today I found a quote I had written in my journal in 2006, by Emerson, and he wrote:

The Gods we worship write their names on our faces, be sure of that. And a man will worship something, have no doubt about that either. He may think that his tribute is paid in secret, in the dark recesses of his heart -- but it will out. That which dominates will determine his life and character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshiping; we are becoming.

And this really made me think, as it must have back then, otherwise, why would I have written it down? I find myself asking: What do I worship? On what alter to I regularly offer thoughts and prayers? Do I prostrate, do I bleed or sacrifice? And I have a confession. I am a terribly egoistic little girl. I try to control things that are beyond controlling, I never ask for help, I don't breathe as deeply as I could and I am scared most of the time. That is all true. I use food and knowledge to distract myself from feeling and progressing. From moving forward. I am afraid. They make for wonderful excuses and mind-numbing apathetic body-gloom. But then again. I know all is well. My soul doth magnify the lord. Om, shanti, shanti, shanti. And because I am choosing it to be so, it will get better.

I have meditated since I was five. It was part of my daily routine and part of our community (TM, fairfield, etc.) and although I left TM behind almost eight years ago... I have always been an advocate of what finding time with one's self can manifest. I am ashamed to say, over the last 3 years, I have even let that slip and do it haphazardly, and boy -- I'll tell ya: I can tell the difference.

I tend to make grandiose promises. I'm really good at planning, tend to be poor at execution. I tend to talk and talk and talk until the desire snuffs out and then I don't have to do anything. Ay, there's the rub.

There are so many things I want to do, but one step at a time. Time to readjust. I am beginning to get so excited about doing the Juice Feast. I can't wait to start. But I am, because I need to prepare. I am trying to read as much as possible. Blogs, juicing, knowledge... I wish I could absorb it all -- just let my body lie along the pages and pore, by pore absorb it like a sponge... words and grace drinking in. *Sigh.

In A Course in Miracles it reads that "health is the result of relinquishing all attempts at using the body lovelessly."

And I am guilty of using my body lovelessly. What wonder could be seen, what gifts unfurled if I could just live and let go...

There's a Native American parable, but I forget which tribe it is actually attributed to, where the Creator (Grandfather in some circles: daddy-mommy-god in others) amasses the clans of his animals and offers the following:

"I want to hide something from my human children until they are ready for it. . . . It is the realization that they create their own reality."

"Give it to me. I'll fly it to the moon," says the Eagle.

"No," says he Creator. "One day soon they will go there and find it."

"How about the bottom of the ocean?" asks the Salmon.

"No," says the Creator. "They will find it there, too."

"I will bury it in the great plains," says the Buffalo.

"They will soon dig and find it there," says the Creator.

"Then put it inside of them," says wise Grandmother Mole.

"Done," says the Creator. "It is the last place they will look."

And so this comes to me while I am reading Rumi and nearly cry when I come upon shining nuggets, like the chants to the steps of the Sufi dance of Universal Peace:

"Come, come whoever you are. This caravan knows no despair.
Even though you have broken your vows, perhaps ten thousand times,
Come, come again."

So, all right. I will come again. Maharishi used to say: desire and let go, the universe will take care of the rest. Ok, that too. I am wake and I will look inside with more love and more patience, and promise that I will walk this path and again, have more patience. And Trust, which is the hardest of all: I will Trust the process. The light can take it from there.

Choosing An Audience

I'm having issues deciding what kind of blog this should be.

I want it to reflect my budding interests in raw food nutrition, and the highest of all nutrition-health concepts. I want to talk about art and film and life and books. Religion and spirituality. About the planet, about the stories I hope to finish and the others I am about to start.

But it seems that these blogs are very much sequestered into a "kind" -- a topic to provide them a place to be, an audience to talk to... and with that, like everything else in my life when it comes to my interests, I can't ever pick just one. I am made up of too many passions and I feel tight and squeamish when I relinquish one to concentrate on the other.

It's like they are a vast organic machine of wooden cogs and moth wings, delicately balanced and, when caught in the right light -- they shimmer just a bit. A gossamer. A glamour and then poof! it's gone. The sun has set, the household is full of hunger and homework and I have to wait another day to do what it is that I am wanting to do.

Ok. I will not try to shove this round peg into a square hole. I just need to find a better fit. Until then, I will not try to wrestle in my place like when one wears an ill-fitted coat, catching you right under the arms... I will just let go and write and do whatever it is that I do best. A little bit of everything and let the rest sort itself out. Ah, good. I'm glad we had this talk. I feel much better now.

Days 5 -6: Into the World

The most wonderful thing happened.

But before I tell you, I have to give some background. I have been struggling with my weight for almost six years. I have had bouts of apathy, depression, listlessness, anger, fatigue... which are hardly in the motivation column when it comes to exercise. Hearing raw foodists discuss the energy they experience made me skeptical but hopeful -- and now convinced. I will have come away from my juice (as of yesterday) 14 pounds lighter. But that's just the bonus!

What I wanted was to feel better and I feel great! Wonderful, energetic, alive! I have, in the past two days, been on hour long hikes, skipping and feeling exuberant in the cool Colorado air and not even been out of breath! It's amazing -- I feel like I can take on the world. Conquer mountains, learn how to play an instrument, be in nature more, find my place in this world. I know that diet alone does not change your body or your feeling of relationship with yourself or others, let alone the planet. Now I feel like I have the energy and vitality to make this next step. And I am so grateful for that! I feel heroic. Happy. I haven't been here in a long time. I had forgotten what I was missing!



So -- Go for a walk today! Have some juice, have a salad -- live your life, don't wait, don't wait!

Breakfast Juice --

1 head broccoli
1 lemon
1/2 fuji apple
1/2 cucumber

Juicing on Fridays

Today is day five. And last night was pretty -- I dunno. I can't tell if the bee pollen incident put me into "shock" or what, but I just didn't want juice last night. I had tea and water but no juice. I hope it was body's way of purging something.

A slight rash has developed in the areas of the lymph, so that's good, it may be easier to go through the skin. My tummy feels very empty this morning, but I will go make some juice.

One wonderful thing I have noticed is flexibility. Sometime yesterday I realized that I wasn't so stiff. I could bend, twist, reach further than usual. That was a nice surprise and no doubt, due to toxins leaving the system. Every detox is different.


For Breakfast, I'm having

head of romaine
2 c. grapes
5 stalks of kale
1/2 lemon
5 Stalks of celery

Learning the Hard Way

I found out today that I am allergic to bee pollen. What a bummer. It's so good for you on so many levels. It made my tongue go numb, itchy and tingly-- it made my tonsils swell up and it was difficult to breathe for 45 minutes. Anyone know a similar superfood that will give similar health results without a reaction?

To alleviate the stomach issues that arose promptly after ( and this really irritated me, I woke up today feeling so wonderful. I have been laying low, and feeling rather sleepy ever since) I drank 20 oz. of pineapple-celery juice with nutmeg. This calmed my tummy down.

Now I am enjoying a pear-carrot-celery-ginger mixture with more nutmeg and some cinnamon. Kind of like pie. Yum-o. But a tired yum-o. No energy for exclamation points.

The Juicy Life # 4

Well, I have made it through day 3, the ominous day, I was told, as long as you could get through that, you were fine. And I am. Decidedly so. I had a bit of a headache and a little stuffiness yesterday, but will chalk that up to purifying. What’s been amazing and wonderful and surprising is : I haven’t had any cravings at all. I mean not for “so-called-real food” like pasta or rice or bread. I had that Bieler’s broth fantasy and acted on the fact that my body must have been wanting more greens. And so, I provided them. And all is well. I think it’s actually wonderful and amazing (my catchphrase today it seems) that when you provide your body the space to heal, it will tell you exactly what it needs. Since I am not having cravings, I interpret this to mean that I am actually being well-rounded enough that my body is actually getting what it needs to run properly. I have been doing Udo’s Omega 3-blend oil (EFA), and seaweed flake (iodine) and protein, iron, calcium, vitamins, minerals (leafy greens and spirulina) all the lovely stuff from fruit – its wonderful and amazing! As I said above: I think when we actually make time to listen to our bodies we will find out intuitively, exactly what the next step is.

In the evenings I have started adding some garlic into my juices for a more savory flavor, as I am still cooking for M. But I have juiced nearly nine cloves this week so far! And then I went and looked through this lovely book I have by Rebecca Wood called The New Whole Foods Encyclopedia, which is full of wonderful info, and I often look up food lore there. I think I will put up a new interesting tidbit when I find them of value. For Example: did you know this about acorns? "If you've ever wondered why the wooden pulls to Venetian blinds are shaped like acorns? It's because of Thor. This Norse god ruled both thunder and oak trees. Therefore oaks were considered protected from lightning and hanging an acorn talisman at one's window prevented it from striking indoors." Okay, so I know that's not about eating food, but here's my point,

about the garlic: "Health Benefits: garlic has a pungent-sweet flavor, is warming in the thermal nature, is a stimulant, and tonifies the spleen-pancreas, stomach, kidney and lung meridians. {It} stimulates metabolism and is used for both chronic and acute disease. It's antibacterial, anti-fungal and anti-parasitical. Helps to stabilize blood sugar levels. Promotes growth of healthy intestinal flora. It eliminates toxins from the body ranging from {get this} snake venom to heavy metals." How cool is that! Perfect for my needs while juicing!

Breakfast:

1 head of romaine
handful of grapes
1/2 fuji apple
4 stalks celery with leaves
1 tsp. Spirulina

turned into a lovely deeeeep jade color!

Juice #2

1 small bulb fennel
6 leaves dinosaur kale
1/2 lemon with pith
1/4 fuji apple
1/2 carrot
parsley stems
4 oz. purified (not Distilled!!) water

smells green but tastes great -- very refreshing.

Being Open to Your Mission: The Technology of Health

I don't think he needs much introduction. But --
Be Here, Be Now, Be Well!

and read his articles on the Three Age Defying Secrets of the Beauty Diet,
10 Secrets to Raise Your Vibration and Super Nutrition Comes of Age

David "Avocado" Wolfe

The Juicy Life: Day 3: More Greens Please

(Breakfast: 1 apple, 3 stalks celery, 1medium cucumber, and a bunch of parsley, radish sprouts --- they actually put out a lot (!) of juice. A small section of green onion.) Last night my tummy was a little grumbly and this morning, a little discomfort or odd or tenderness right around the pelvis. But nothing bad. A little bloated -- what does that mean again? Ah yes. Need More Greens. This is my Theme today.

Just as I was warned, after two days – this being day number 3 – I am beginning to want more savory juices and less sweet. I juiced garlic and ginger and chili peppers last night with seaweed flake. The one apple was almost too much for me. I am seeing visions of zucchini and parsley and … come to think of it, I’m craving Bieler’s broth. I wonder how that would taste raw… hmmm. For those of you who don’t know what this is, it consists of zucchini squash, green beans, celery, parsley, Extra virgin olive oil, & Clean, chemical-free water. Often blended into a liquid soup and flavored with garlic, onions, cayenne pepper, ginger, herbs, and seasoned with Nama Shoyu. It is meant to restore one's alkaline reserves and improve liver function.

I ordered an Omega 8005 juicer that was supposed to be here by tomorrow and now I find out, it’s been back-ordered!! That deserves a big ol' Charlie Brown: UGH. I have a near 20-yr old champion juicer (donated by my parents to me 2 yrs ago) which still works fine, but doesn’t get nearly enough liquid out of the pulp, and especially struggles to get the greens the way I’d like them, too. Bummer. I am doing as much as I can – but I find I am worried, having lived with hypoglycemia, and thyroid issues, (I have consciously avoided things like cabbage and broccoli, as they tend to be inhibitors, I think) I am wary of the fruit sugar as I’m sure, in addition to the pancreas, like most of the population, Candida is probably also an issue -- So how does one avoid overly sugaring the system? Green greens greens. Lettuces, radicchio, kale, celery, ginger, garlic, radish, cucumber, bell peppers, one would think carrot – but even David Wolfe warns us of trying to “sweet our way in” – so much sugar. I need to purchase a nut-milk bag and cheesecloth strainer. And maybe blend up my greens with some water and strain.

What’s amazing is that during this feast, all one’s food addictions come to point. The “little mind” is constantly going, c’mon, quit, stop. This is silly. Don’t you like food? Bread? Soup? And yes, I enjoy all those things, but I am more and more aware of how good the juices feel and taste and as I have been experimenting with 60% raw before this feast, including a juice a day before the beginning of this week – I was finding that my old emotionally driven favorite foods were losing their taste. I mean, I can still taste them – but they no longer taste how I remember them – and the fact that I still find myself fantasizing about them, that to me shows just how emotional eating is for me, and probably a majority of people, which is why David Rain talks about people saying, “O – I can’t live without _______” be it cheese, coffee, steak. What-have-you. And while the “little mind” complains – my larger soul-self keeps reminding me: It’s only food. Why are you losing your head over this. You feel fine .. no pain, no discomfort, you don’t feel hungry. It’s only ten days. Get over yourself. But in a kind, gentle, loving way of course. It is only ten days and I’ve done three with no real problem at all. So seven more to go? Bring it on. If any of you have suggestions for more savory juice combo’s I’m all ears. Send them along, please!


( What a bitter sulfur-y concoction! Whew!!

¼-Grapefruit, with pith
3 cloves garlic
1.5 inches ginger
kale
celery
baby chard greens
…. Had to add a little pineapple. Yikes!

Note to self -- never use grapefruit pith)

Eating as an Act of Love w/David Rainoshek

watching this -- I realize that I need more green juice. Vegetable juices, kale, lettuce, garlic, etc.